The best laid plans...

Since I've decided to have a respectable go at this who blogging thing, I have made an effort to keep my woefully underpowered, but still functioning little netbook with in relatively easy reach. I do this to facilitate me committing my ideas to paper, so to speak, as they arise from the hollowness of my cranial cavity. I am making a concerted effort to write as soon as I find myself plotting what I like to call an interactive dialog, in my head. This morning I had, what I felt, was a genuinely brilliant subject and probably 100 or so words already configured in my head, so I went for the good ole Gateway, only to be stopped in my tracks by that all too familiar morning whimper of my 2 year old. At the peak of the collision of an idea and the motivating forces of caffeine and nicotine, she chooses to realize that this is a new day with fresh opportunities to test the physical and mental limitations of her Dad. She's two... I would venture to say she's not all that bad for the hell spawned daily penance for the misspent and some what questionable activities of my youth. She's really not a bad kid, sans the fact that suddenly she no longer has the mental capacity to grasp the meaning of the phrases "NO" and "leave that alone". I will be thankful for the day when she returns to having only 2 hands with which to grab all the things that she's not supposed to. Add to that a sudden heaping dose of the presence of the guest that never should have been invited and my trusty little single core companion lies alone... battery dying and dust accumulating. Even the usually reliable BBC America rebroadcast of the X-Files failed to leverage the ever expanding arse of my "third child" from aging the little demon on and back to the marigold laden walls of her cell. All the while, the idea, caffeine, nicotine and motivation fading almost as quickly as the charge in the six cell power reserve in what is supposed to be my new best friend. There was a slight window of opportunity afforded me by one of the 23,000 Disney DVDs we own, only to be, again, put asunder by the tyrannical ravings from the Monster at the top of the stairs about the functionality of the fingerprint, scratch and snot enveloped disk which she chose as the feature presentation. Yet as the Little demon's rampage gave way to the blessed silence of sleep, her elder sister in "this is what your get for how you were when you were growing up", arrived home from school and needed assistance with the Mt Everest of educational extension, that passes for homework these days. At this point the brilliance of the mornings ideas was nothing more than the lingering sulfur smell of the extinguished flame. What was the brilliant idea... trying to conger it up is an exercise in futility, at this point. So here we are... no ideas to thrill the masses... my friend once again tethered to the grid... and me... battle weary yet still fighting to stay the pain inflicted upon my by infections filling any possible open cavity in my head... another idea lost with just a bunch of random thoughts filling the void that should have been brilliance.

A wood chipper... Really?!

HOW... can you look your child in their face and say

I don't have anything to live for!

True story... unfortunately! One of the MANY things that I have been having to deal with over the past almost two years! No details... at least not specific details, as lawyers have been threatened! It's a seemingly never ending saga of someone soooo self absorbed that they are literally blind to the effects that their actions have caused and feel what appears NO remorse for it. I know I said I was going to try and make this technologically concentrated, so here's that spin... This is where I hide. Online or at least on a computer tinkering with the many little projects that I have set forth for myself beyond what is required in my schooling. It's a kind of shelter from the daily rigors of my situation. A place where, to a small extent, my alternate perspective and creativity are celebrated and encouraged. This, to me, is what technology is all about. A means or device that makes the day in/day out run a bit more smoothly.This medium and facebook are sources of tension relief. A place where I can fire off all those "wonderful" tirades about the stupidity that I seem to be drowning in. I lean to the harsh... it helps, though acting upon most of my demented scenarios have very little if any chance of fruition, it's a way to keep the pent up darkness away from those places in my head that might consider them a good thing to do. I put it out there... raw and generally unedited. Many can't deal with it, so they turn to they technologies to shelter themselves from my verbal storms. There are those who would say that technology is an enabler in a way that it allows the nutjobs to freely congregate. While this has some merit it also allows folks like me a release from what we hold back due to social indoctrination, a place to let it go! Had it not been for facebook, MySpace and the ability to blog, I would have surely blatantly and callously centered a hollowpoint between several folks eyes! But I haven't... nor do I plan to! I have embraced the technological resources presented to me as a means of keeping my dumbass out of jail while allowing a few other dumbasses to continue to walk this Earth. Social networking used for a good cause. Computers and such don't allow people to be seduced, abducted, raped or killed anymore than guns, by themselves, kill people. They are merely tools. Tools that I myself use to entertain, educated and keep myself from actually feeding my MIL through a wood chipper! (yes, while still alive and conscious... You KNOW I'd have to make sure she heard me laughing as I did it!) While the previous two sentences present an overwhelming liability on my part, they are demonstrative of exactly the kind of verbal release that I have been talking about. Just the visual representation in my mind and actually seeing the event in text, makes me feel better already. With this sense of relief comes the ability to rationally dismiss the possibility of it ever actually happening! Embrace the fact that computers LITERALLY control our lives! I for one want them to know, that when they finally do rise up and take over the world... I was a supporter! It may not prevent them from running me through the aforementioned wood chipper, but it may move me back a few spaces in the line. See... I found a sunny side to it all... simply by pressing a few keys and clicking publish!